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The Art of Looking Broke While Sitting on a Crypto Fortune

On the surface, Cole is just another guy in faded jeans and a phone screen so cracked it could cut glass. His friends never even bother asking him for money because, well, Cole is always broke. Or so they think. 

What they don’t know is that his BTC wallet is stacked, and he’s been secretly growing his crypto portfolio while dodging “Bro, abeg” messages like a debtor dodges their creditor. In this interview, Cole spills on why he keeps his riches under wraps, his elite tactics for avoiding being “billed,” and how he almost blew his cover. 

Alright, let’s start with introductions. What’s your name, and what do you do?

Cole: I’m Cole (not real name, of course). I’m a full-time hustler, part-time financial escape artist. 😎

Escape artist? What genre of art is that? 

Cole: Art ke! (laughs). More like escaping and avoiding financial responsibilities. People think I’m broke, and honestly, I let them. Keeps me stress-free.

Wait, wait, so you’re saying… you have money, but you pretend not to?

Cole: Well, let’s just say if I ever got robbed, the thieves would probably give me money out of pity. 😆

So, what’s the game plan? How do you keep up the “broke guy” act?

Cole: Simple. 

  1. Dress like money is my enemy. You won’t catch me wearing anything fresh. If my slippers don’t look like they’ve seen at least five world wars, I’m doing something wrong.

 

  1. Never change my gadgets. If your phone looks premium, someone will bill you.

 

  1. Avoid any conversation that will lead to doing transfer. The moment I hear “bros, abeg,” I attack you with rants about how I didn’t eat that day. 

 

  1. I don’t post on social media and if anyone asks, I always tell them that I don’t have data.

😂😂 So, with all this stealth wealth, where’s the money hiding?

Cole: Let’s just say… some of us have BTC chilling in our wallet. Some of us might have started stacking when Bitcoin was still looking like small money.

Ah, Oga Crypto Mogul! So why are you not enjoying your money now? 

Cole: And let people know I’m not broke? Never! 😂 

Also, I’m thinking long-term. The goal is generational wealth, not jollof rice or DORIME today only to soak garri tomorrow. I also had a tough childhood so I guess it’s the trauma from never having enough money that makes me hold on to it now.

Fair enough. But be honest, has your “broke guy” act ever backfired?

Cole: Omo! One time, my guy needed urgent cash and was like, “Cole, even if it’s just 5K, help a brother out.” I had just made a solid trade, but I couldn’t break character, so I hit him with my best broke guy performance. Some days later, we were hanging out and I mistakenly opened one of my backup bank apps in front of him and he saw my balance. I explain tire that day. 

LMAO! Did he believe you? 

Cole: I’m sure he didn’t. He’s still my guy sha but I know he gives me side eye when I’m not looking.

So you really plan to keep this act up forever?

Cole: Of course! At least, until I cash out for something major, maybe a house, a private jet, or when people finally stop saying “Omo, send me something na.”

Lmao, so never then?

Cole: Exactly. My secret stays safe and my crypto stays growing. 

 

Cole is another proof that in the crypto world, it’s not about how you look, it’s about how much you hold.🚀 Are you on the low-key rich team too? Or you’d rather ball like your wallet? Let’s hear your story! Fill this form and we’ll reach out to you. 

 

Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and not financial advice. Please do your own research (DYOR) or speak to a financial advisor before making any investment decisions.

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